|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:51:54 GMT 5.5
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
|
|
|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:52:05 GMT 5.5
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
|
|
|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:52:40 GMT 5.5
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
|
|
|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:52:59 GMT 5.5
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
|
|
|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:53:21 GMT 5.5
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
|
|
|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:53:31 GMT 5.5
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
|
|
|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:53:49 GMT 5.5
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
|
|
|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:54:03 GMT 5.5
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
|
|
|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:54:25 GMT 5.5
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
|
|
|
Post by kuchu on May 8, 2008 9:55:04 GMT 5.5
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers. It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving. Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised. Forgive your enemies but remember their names The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. - He said he wanted more proof. Some pain is physical and some is mental, but one that's both is dental.
|
|
|
Post by vimala on May 8, 2008 14:05:48 GMT 5.5
Scientific Measurements
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 Microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 Bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 Billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile perhour = 1 Knotfurlong
365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer = 1 Lite Year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
Half a large intestine = 1 Semicolon
1,000,000 aches = 1 Megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis - 1 Hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes - A Straight Line
453.6 graham crackers = 1 Pound Cake
1 million microphones = 1 Megaphone
1 million bicycles = 1 Megacycles
365.25 days = 1 Unicycle
2000 mockingbirds = Two Kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 Decacard
52 cards = 1 Deckacard
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks = 1 Literhosen
1 millionth of a fish = 1 Microfiche
1 trillion pins = 1 Terrapin
10 rations = 1 Decaration
100 rations = 1 C-Ration
2 monograms = 1 Diagram
|
|
|
Post by vimala on May 9, 2008 9:38:03 GMT 5.5
Words women use Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
***********
Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
***********
Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".
***********
Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!
***********
Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
***********
That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
***********
Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly. ***********************************
|
|