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Post by vimala on Dec 19, 2007 16:04:49 GMT 5.5
Q: How do u CUT roads? ? A: By LAUGHING..... Because "Haste haste cut jaye raste". ******** Q: What will u call a person who is leaving India?? A : Hindustan Leaver. ******** Q: What will u call a person who leaves India, but doesn't travel much?? A: Hindustan Leaver Limited. ******** Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? " A: Santa bola, " Pehle date of birth to batao." ******** Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door? A: Because it was an entrance exam. ******** Q: What's Ford? A: Gaadi. ******** Q: What's Oxford? A: So simple, Bail Gaadi ******** Q: Whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping from 10th floor? A: Former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa, the later goes aaaaaaaaa (hit) ******** Q: Other than being fruits, what is common between an apple and an orange? A:They both are not a banana !! ******** A sardarji went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice. Guess why ? Because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"
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Post by vimala on Dec 27, 2007 17:04:31 GMT 5.5
• Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi. Santa: Bolo. Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu! Santa: It's a gud News. Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.
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• Banta: What's the similarity between Marriage and 11:59pm? Santa: Dono k baad 12-bajte hain aur din badal jate hain.
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• Santa: Dr. saab, I'm suffering from loose motion. Doc: Kinni ku patli aundi hai? Santa: Dr. saab, samaj lao ke tusi us naal Grare kar sakde ho !
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• Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife? Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!
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• The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"
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Post by vimala on Dec 28, 2007 19:19:30 GMT 5.5
One day a man inserted an ‘advertisement’ in the local classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
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What is Marriage? Ans: 1 year:-Alpenlibe-Ji lalchaye raha Na Jaye. 2 year:- KINETIC-Sab ki hawa Nikal de. 3 year:-CHLORMINT- DOBARA MAT PUCHNA…..
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Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: “Yes dear”
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Why do we all marry? Because romance is not the only element of life. We should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity & tragedy of LIFE.
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What a married man says after years of marriage:- My marriage is made of Trust & Understanding, she doesn’t Trust me & I dont Understand her.
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Post by vimala on Dec 30, 2007 14:35:41 GMT 5.5
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water? PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO ! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about? PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
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TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America. PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS : PAPPU!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"? PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I". PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am." PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
************ *****
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of " COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
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PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? FATHER : No. Why do you ask that? PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
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TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to , my mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as yourbrother' s. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
************ ****
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
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Post by vimala on Jan 4, 2008 15:31:34 GMT 5.5
Women are always Clever
Man: " Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator. "
Man: "I know how to please a woman ." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."
Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?" Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Man: "May I see you pretty soon?" Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there ?"
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Post by vimala on Feb 28, 2008 11:56:17 GMT 5.5
SMILES
Ek din, main Delhi pahuncha, Station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha.
Coolie ne kaha: "Bahar jaake poocho."
Maine khud hi rasta dhundh liya, Bahar jaake taxiwale se pooncha:
"Bhai saab Lal Kile ka kitna loge?"
Jawab mila: "Bechna nahi hai."
Taxi chod, maine bus pakad li, Conductor se pooncha: "Ji, kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?"
Wo gurrra kar bola: "Hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai."
Maine kaha: "Par wo janab to pi rahe hai!"
Phir se gurrrraya: "Usne mujhse pooncha nahi hai."
Lal Kile pahucha, hotel gaya. Manager se kaha: "Mujhe room chahiye, satvi manzil pe."
Manager ne kaha: "Rahane ke liye ya koodne ke liye?"
Room pahucha, waiter se kaha:
"Ek paani ka gilas milega?"
Usne jawab diya: "Nahi sahab, yahan to saare kanch ke milte hain."
Hotel se nikla, dost ke ghar jaane ke liye,
Raste me ek sahab se pooncha:
"Janab, ye sadak kaha ko jaati hai?" Janab hans kar bole: "Peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon, Yahi padi hai... kahin nahin jaati."
Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada, Usne poocha: "Kaise aana hua?"
Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi, Maine bhi jawab diya: "Train se." Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha:
"Areeee sunti ho... mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai, Uuse kuch taja taja khilao."
Sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye. Kaha: "Taji hawa kha lijiye."
Dost ne phir se baday pyar se biwi se kaha: "Areeee sunti ho, inhe jara apna chalis saal purana aachar to dikhana."
Bhabiji ek baalti me rakha aachar le aayi.
Maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji se kaha: "Bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi?"
Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya: "Yuhi agar sab ko chakhati To aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota?"
Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne potey ko sula rah thi, Saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi: "Diploma so ja, diploma so ja."
Lori soon mein hairan hua aur dost se poocha:
"Yaar, ye diploma kya hai?" Dost ne jawab diya: "Mere grandson ka naam,
Beti bambai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye Aur saath mein ise le aayi, Isiliye hamne iska naam Diploma rakh diya."
Phir maine pooncha: "Aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?"
Dost ne jawab diya: "Bambai gayi hai, degree lene ke liye."
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Post by vimala on Apr 23, 2008 18:38:54 GMT 5.5
Teacher - "What is your name?". Student - "Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai." Teacher - "When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english." Student - "My name is Sunlight."
Student - (to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink. Teacher - Go run after it. Teacher - Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class? Ramu - I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
Teacher - Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it. Raju - No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it. Teacher - Why? Raju - My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher - Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August. Student - A holiday
Question - What is the fullform of maths. Anwser - Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
Teacher - What happened in 1869? Student - Gandhi ji was born. Teacher - What happened in 1873? Student - Gandhiji was four years old.
Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?...... japan
Teacher - There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT - 32 yrs. Teacher - How do you know? STUDENT - Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Teacher - Where does God live?   Little boy - I think he lives in our bathroom. Teacher - Why do you say that? Little boy - Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
Teacher - "Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?" Johnny - "Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time." Teacher - How old is ur father. Sunny:As old as I am. Teacher - How is it possible? Sunny - He became father only after I was born.
Teacher - Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ? Student - BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher - Raja and rani!,why are you late for school,today? rani - Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it. Teachear- raja,what about you? raja - Madam,,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.
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